When things are good, I find myself holding my breath, afraid to move, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Almost as if the powers that be forgot that little black cloud and if I smile too loudly, they will hear and bring more obstacles my way. This is how I’ve been living, always just a little uncomfortable.
The thing is, I am happy. Things are good. I’m finally settled in a career and making three times as much money I’ve ever made – in a career I’m good at, and a career I really enjoy. I have loyal and incredible friendships – my family is healthy and thriving. Dating is light, adventurous and fun. I have a beautiful home, and my garden is growing more full everyday. I am surrounded by beauty and opportunities. There is also a very happy and content kitty, purring next to me as I write this. Life is good.
Maybe tomorrow everything will go to hell – but I’m alright if it does. If I never faced the hardships I have in the past , I don’t think the periods of of peace would be as sweet. So tonight I am just going to exhale, and live in gratitude. I will take time to admire the wild chickory and queen ant’s lace growing on the side of a familiar dirt road. I’ll take a moment to remember how my mother’s lip curls up when she’s about to tell a joke, and to embrace my nephew just a little longer and savor the sound of his laughter. I will spend an extra ten minutes in the shower and use the expensive body scrub. I will braid my hair. I will treat today and everyday like a special occassion. As if the shoes have already all dropped. I will let my heart go barefoot.