Black Girl Problems, Dating, Race, Relationships, Uncategorized

Coffee – Hold the Cream.

I really don’t like Dunkin Doughnuts. I remember thinking just that when he walked through the door late. He picked the location. I don’t like businesses that have cutesy names, particularly with alliteration. For me there was little difference between Dunkin Doughnuts and Chuck E. Cheese. We had been seeing each other for a solid two months which is usually how long most my “endeavors of a romantic nature” (as coined by my mother) last.  I knew what this conversation was going to be about. What I didn’t know was how different the conversation would be from the rest.

He apologized for his lateness glancing at his wristwatch, I suppose to confirm that yes, he was exactly fifteen minutes late. I smiled curtly and made a lame joke about traffic. He mentioned the weather. My mind wandered to an article I had read about oocyte cryopreservation and wondering if any study is available for long term side effects yet, and how the clouds outside reminded me of a scene in Disney’s animation Fantasia.

“This has been so much fun.” He said breaking eye contact.

“Sure.” I nodded.

“But I have to be honest, You’re just not the kind of a girl that a guy marries, you know?”

Um, what? I certainly did not know. I asked exactly what he meant after I pointed out I never was interested in marrying him either and what an odd thing to say after two months of whatever. Let me sum it up for you. He said that I was , for lack of better term – a novelty. That guys are attracted to me but because I don’t look like a Norman Rockwell painting, I don’t fit into a man’s (in Hicksville wny) expectation of someone to take seriously. That I was “exotic” like a treat, but not an everyday staple. (A woman is not for consumption btw). All in all – he didn’t want to get serious with a person of color – I was only to be used for his entertainment.

Unfortunately this is not the first guy I have dated who felt this way. He was the first to be so blunt about it. I had dated this other guy some time ago who – at his time of the talk – said he was going to the Navy so he couldn’t see me anymore. Also that he didn’t ever want kids or marriage and I seemed all about that. (Definitely wasn’t about that after only two months) I wished him well. Well he never went to the Navy – (unless he meant Old Navy where he started working) He also moved in with and married a divorcee with two children after becoming her third baby daddy. It wasn’t about baggage, as long as that baggage wasn’t brown.

You can imagine how immediate my exit was. Did I mention I hate Dunkin’ Doughnuts?


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