There are two sides to every story. Then there are screenshots. This woman by the way is the children’s pastor to the church I left. Can you guess why I left?
And she did go to my mother’s home, (after knowing full well that we had just spent the night in the ER, deciding that her being offended was more a priority than sleep and healing.) My mother turned her away reminding Megan that I am an adult and can handle my own problems. Both my parents raised my siblings and I in a way that empowered and equipped us to make it in this world like intelligent, capable, strong functioning humans. (Because this is what good parents do) And we don’t have the time or desire to deal with her or her family’s dysfunction. (Every family has some dysfunction – we’re human. But it takes a special kind of crazy to blame others for your crazy.) Also, still haven’t heard from the cops that she claims to have gone to. Probably because, (if she even did – my guess it was just a tactic to threaten and intimidate to get what she wanted) they have more important things to do than cater to the rantings and tantrums of a fifty – something year old drama queen with nothing better to do than to call the police on anyone who doesn’t do what she wants. I can see why her daughter acts the way she does.
Megan wanted me to take down the blog. Instead of just discussing that, she tried to force me to do so. Notice the multiple approaches she uses to try and manipulate. She starts by trying to seem bigger. Animals do this in the wild when they are about to fight – they puff up their chests, their fur or feathers become more erect, they stand up on hind legs – it’s called intimidation. She mentions her husband and then alludes to multiple people having a problem with the blog and taking action – that they are willing to “take a stand” but she is unable to actually mention any one person. Megan and I, and Annie and I, have no mutual contacts. (And the ones we did have I have drastically distanced or cut off throughout the past 3 years
Saying she went to the cops on me is intimidation and one that white people too commonly use on POC. (Especially since I had just mentioned in previous blogs -“Another Angry Black Woman” and “End Game” why as a woman of color, I am often hesitant going to the cops for help.) This was not only intimidation, but racist. P.S if you ever do find yourself an actual victim of harassment and you go to the cops/and or a lawyer they will advise you to not contact that person as they will then take care of it. If Megan actually went to the cops or a lawyer she would not then be messaging me. No, what she did was say she went to the cops and lawyer with the purpose of intimidation and threat (common tactics for a bully) to manipulate me into doing what she wanted, even when she didn’t. (I warn against trying this yourself, dear reader, because not only is it mean and deceitful – it’s also illegal. It’s called coercion)
Then she tries shaming. Saying she “knows” I’m “a sister in Christ.” and that by not doing what she wants (taking down the blogs) that I am not acting like a Christian. (I renounced organized religion two years ago but that’s another blog for another time.) Megan is a Children’s pastor at North Park Wesleyan Church, the church I left because of behavior like – well this. A pastor, by the way, equating their disapproval with Gods and using religion to shame people into doing what they desire without biblical evidence -is spiritual abuse. (Please know that Megan’s behavior and words is not the Christian faith or a representation of Jesus – but an example of Pharisee – like behavior. You know, the kind of religious leader Jesus warned against and regularly called out on their BS) Also – Matthew 18 is a passage in the New Testament that instructs believers in how to deal with someone they believe has sinned against them. You first go to the person directly to confront them about it. If there still isn’t an understanding then you bring one or more people with you to try and reason with the person. If that doesn’t work, you then bring them to the church elders. And if that doesn’t work then you bring them to the law. Megan has preached on this topic more than once, and also more than once (at least in my experience with her ) does not follow it or advise her daughter to live by the Word. If you’re thinking it’s hypocrisy to preach one thing and then do the opposite – you’re right. It is hypocrisy.
She then changes the script by trying to seem as if she cares and “let’s put this behind us.” Let me ask you, if someone just told you that they went to the cops and hired a lawyer against you because they didn’t like your blog…..would you feel like they were putting issues behind them? Do you show care and concern through intimidation and threats? Her words are completely contradictory. When asked why she thought the blogs were even about Annie she changes the script yet again and plays dumb. Claiming she didn’t even know about the blogs or that they were about Annie until this ominous crowd of unidentified people brought them to her attention when she a few messages before had claimed to have gone to the cops and a lawyer. (Also – I feel if I believed someone was targeting someone I cared about by writing opinion pieces in a personal blog – and felt the need to stand up for my friend – I would. Directly. I would not make copies to show my friend with the purpose to stir up conflict and upset my friend…..because that’s not what a good friend does….but I digress)
She then changes the script yet again (bullies often lack consistency in their attacks in an attempt to confuse the person they are attacking) and says she needs sleep and to rest (every person needs sleep and rest?) As if this issue that she brought up is beneath her and then charges me with the task of resolving the problem that she has and brought to my attention – And that if I pursue it she might find the time to do so. This was an attempt to devalue my time and bolster her own importance – as if she was doing me a favor taking time to message me because she’s so tired, and would do me another favor by talking about it another time – when she’s the one who interrupted my time with a problem she was having and when I was the one dealing with a family emergency and at the hospital. (Eyeroll)
Then after telling her I’m done with her sending attacks through messenger while hiding behind a screen she is dismissive and acts as if I had agreed to any of the bullshit she messaged. And then when she does not get the response she wants, she spins into full on gaslighting. Her manipulation thus far has not worked to get me to do what she wanted so in a last desperate attempt to obtain control she spews out insults, threatens to go to my family, tries to discredit my mental stability (someone disagreeing with you or not doing what you want them to do does not make them crazy) and excuses her daughter’s behavior on her accusation of my mental state. (You are always accountable for your own behavior – no one else is to blame for how you behave)
An important note – I never denied being the author of my blog? My name is literally all over it. A blog is on the internet, I am fully aware that people can see them. Anyone. Anyone can see them. (Sorry for stating the obvious but these points seemed completely lost on Megan.) They aren’t hidden. They aren’t done in secret. I regularly advertise on multiple social media platforms. I didn’t write this blog thinking she wouldn’t ever see them. I didn’t write the blogs for her or for anyone else, period. Her greatest mistake in all this was gravely overestimating how much I care about her opinion or the opinions of others.
Perhaps me exposing her messages like this and this conversation seems petty. Maybe it is. My reasoning behind writing this entry is that this is not the first behavior or interaction like this I’ve had from Megan. Thus is at least the fourth (maybe fifth – I’ve lost count over the past decade of her acting like this towards me.) She has made it very apparent that healthy resolve is not a possibility – My hope is that she will stop contacting me with toxic dramatics or at the very least, be hesitant to do so in the future.
People, like Megan, treat people like this in private- but have an entirely different “public” presence. (Its a lack of integrity.) She sent this in a private message because she thought she could get away with treating people – treating me- like this because she has multiple times before. And she’d go through the theatrics of telling me in two instances that if I were to tell anyone about it or brought it to the Head Pastor’s attention, that I’d just be an added burden – shaming me for her behavior. Like – I’m going to speak to you horrifically, and if you tell anyone then its your fault. Um, no. If you don’t want people knowing about what you’ve said – don’t say it at all. Have the same moral conduct in private as you do in public. And if you can’t do that – at least have enough brains to not put it in writing. As a writer , I write about what I know. I know my own life and experiences and observations. I can confidently say that Annie is not the focal topic in a single entry. Apparently she relates close enough to take offense. I have found that someone’s world must be pretty tiny to have to orbit around themselves. If I write a blog on racism and you take offense, you may consider that your anger may stem from guilt. If I write a blog on cheating, childhood, business, making soup or whatever – your reaction is your reflection – not mine.
Dear reader, never be bullied into silence. You have a voice, and every voice matters, (even the ones I disagree with). Not everybody will appreciate or care about your truth and experiences – but some people will, and do! You are never alone – no matter who you are. As I wrote in an earlier post, this blog is not to make people happy or unhappy. These writings are my truth, and my perspectives. How you feel and what you think about them are entirely up to you – bring your own filter, bring your own mirror. And if you wish to not read them, that’s also your choice. I encourage everyone with whatever you read, or see, or hear – be a critical thinker! Never blindly follow or believe anything – even me! You have value. You have a brain. Your perspective is unique, and it matters.
Megan Cusumano should be embarrassed, I’m embarrassed for her. Not only did she not get me to take down the blogs – or get me to stop writing, she encouraged me to write more, identified Annie and associated the blogs with her when they weren’t before, and drew much more attention to the blogs. And she did it all while revealing her true colors.
On a plus note, my ratings are at an all time high! Thanks Megan for spreading the word about my blog😊 Thanks to my readers for the support!