My little sister is getting married this week. Like most weddings, plenty of preparations have been made. I’ve never driven to Pittsburgh before. I’ve stocked up the car to be ready for anything that may happen on the way down. I have two outfits to pick from in case I change my mind and depending on the weather. I still haven’t decided how to do my hair. There’s an Italian festival going on that day in the same place so I’m unsure about how traffic will be. But there’s one thing I am completely sure of. My sister’s marriage is the real deal – and built to last. Why? Because they’ve made every preparation, not just for the wedding – but for their marriage.
First of all, let me say – there is no guarantee for any relationship. With that said, because of that, it’s all the more important to approach marriage with extreme care and consideration. You cannot rush a lifetime commitment and expect it to last. (I’m not saying it’s impossible if you do rush it, but marriage is hard. Why wouldn’t you give yours the best shot possible?) Too many people rush into marriage and treat getting married as an accomplishment. Their approach is downright stupid. Here’s an example. A girl after super serious relationship right after the other in high school, where every boy she dated was the love of her life – marries the first willing guy once shes of *legal marrying age.* They get engaged after dating a few months and are married within a year – she’s never gone to college, or lived out of her mothers home – has never been responsible for anything – and made a lifetime commitment to someone she barely knew. Her husband was baptized right before the wedding because instead of waiting to find someone who shared her religious beliefs or was “evenly yoked” – or just accepting someone for who they were and where they were – he had to become a “believer” in order to marry her. If someone believes in saving sex for marriage – that is just fine – its different for everyone. But the danger becomes rushing into marriage because you want to have sex. Sex does not make a marriage so should not be the reason to enter one – or enter one too soon. She was spoiled and childish before the wedding and not surprisingly still spoiled and childish after the wedding. They rushed – played house – and didn’t even last 3 years. (Not exactly a twist ending. She has currently found the next “love of her life” and working on husband/divorce #2 without being divorced for even a year.) Anything of quality, takes time. My sister and her fiance have not only been dating for many years, but they’ve known each other even longer. He has spent holidays with our family and she with his. They know each other. They are fundamentally similar – in their upbringing, beliefs, and morals – neither ever tried to change themselves or the other for the sake of being in a relationship. Both took the time to have a well established career and are individually financially independent. They took the time to become Mr./Ms. Right before tying the knot. They’ve taken trips together, live together, have disagreed on more than one occasion and put their relationship through every test before making it a permanent setting. If a relationship has never gone through any challenges – how do you know it’s built to last?
If their marriage is anything like my parents – they are set for life. My parents are best friends first. My dad was injured recently, and it was tough to see him in that kind of pain (though not nearly as tough as actually experiencing that pain obviously) My mom never left his side. No one could make him smile except her. They each have things they like to do, but they approach new things together. They enjoy spending time together and make it a priority. They are best friends first.
Both my parents encouraged us not to depend on anyone. That if we do find someone we should be with them because we like them, love them, and want them in our lives – not because of what they can provide for us. Our security and happiness should be set in ourselves and not in our relationship status. Marriage was never an expectation or some predestined mandate – my parents encouraged our talents, our knowledge, our independence.
I am very happy for my sister. She is wise beyond her years. I also enthusiastically welcome my new soon to be brother in law into the family. He knows my sister so well, loves her very much, and takes very good care of her. They take care of each other. They are good for each other. I am very happy for my sister and soon to be brother in law. I’m very proud of them and ready and honored to celebrate their marriage! I may even finally decide how to wear my hair 😄 To the Bride and Groom!