A near 40 yr old college student recently asked me a question to evade from answering one. (He tried to avoid accountability for lies he told.) I answered it with facts and dismissed him. His response of deflection, evasion, and then defensiveness to a simple yes or no question was more than enough answer. He did not like my dismissal so in response he messaged me at 3 a.m and threatened me out of his desperate attempt to take control of the conversation. His reason for justification? He was uncomfortable. My unwillingness to blindly trust his illogical babble over facts and evidence made him uncomfortable. He threatened me because I don’t believe him. He threatened me because he can’t control me, and that made him uncomfortable.
Dear White Man,
Who the hell do you think you are? I was not aware that being made uncomfortable was a punishable offense. If this is the case then you are a serial offender. The truth is the truth regardless of your willingness to accept it. I wonder what kind of world you must live in to expect respect and demand that someone trust you without you having to do anything to earn it. Isn’t that the definition of entitlement? Expecting someone to take your word for it when you have been nothing but deceitful and aloof at best? Mostly because in my world I have had to earn and prove myself in every situation and repeatedly and still be met with skepticism because I don’t look like you. You know that your skin gives you an automatic win, and you used that against me. Your consequences are inconvenient at best. My consequences are public condemnation for me and for anyone I may remotely resemble.
I will not apologize for my ability to reach educated and reasonable conclusions. Please understand that your self proclaimed victimhood is a mockery. Please understand that your attempt to make me smaller will never make you the bigger man. Please know this – I don’t need anything from you – Not your approval. Not your permission. Not your opinion. Nothing. You will not rewrite the story because your bias does not align with reality. I do not have to submit to your opinion. My existence does not depend on your perspective and your perspective will not change my existence. Your crippling god complex does not make you God.
Please do not confuse my feelings of contempt and suspicion for infatuation. My disgust is not butterflies. I’m not flushed with romantic inklings but deeply repelled by your inflated sense of self – please grow up. I did not need your permission to give you the benefit of the doubt – but don’t worry – as it turns out you don’t deserve it anyway. I am officially unimpressed. You want me to lash out, to act crazy, to threaten back to justify your actions. So you can point and say “See, she is dangerous!”. This is not the first time I have had to deal with someone like you. You see, as a woman of color I do not have the priviledge of getting upset and reacting. I only respond.
Grace is when you bestow something on someone unworthy of receiving it. You did not extend to me grace but burdened me with your ego and your low expectations as an attempt to force me to fit into your understanding of black women. You treating me with decency was not a courtesy for my benefit. I have every right, and deserve to be treated with decency. You believing that treating me like a person was some kind of favor doesn’t make you a good Christian, it makes you an arrogant asshole. You cannot blame your sins, or your “friends” actions on a faceless invention of some kind of dark skinned thug. You cannot threaten me into submission.