I have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. Maybe it stems from being a middle child or being adopted or just being a female in general succumbing to the societal pressures of being accommodating and pleasant.
“What a bitch.”
I remember the first time I was called a bitch. It was the seventh grade and i didn’t let a boy named Casey borrow my gel pens for a project and you know what happened? I gave him my gel pens. How fucked up is that? Girls learn young to be complacent and do what boys want out of fear for being called a bitch. Boys learn young that if a girl doesn’t do what he wants then she is a bitch.
The word “bitch” too is very general. I started asking people, who call me a bitch, to be more definitive. Do you mean that I am being unpleasant? Uncooperative? Selfish? Because calling me a name to try and insult me so that I behave in a way you find more acceptable would be kind of a bitchy thing to do, don’t you think? I started doing this myself with the word “weird’ as well. I was talking with this one guy who – in private- was very flirtatious and affectionate. I saw him in public the next day and I waved hello and he snubbed me. I confronted him about it and started to say how I thought it was weird that he acted different in public than he did in private. I stopped myself and started over. I didn’t find it weird. I found it very off putting and rude of him. I don’t mind if someone is weird, I do mind if someone is rude to me. It turns out he was hurt over something I had said over the phone and instead of effectively communicating that he decided to give me the cold shoulder. We discussed it and moved on.
I guess my point is that if being a bitch means that you are a female asserting yourself, or standing your ground – there are much worst things than being a bitch. Instead of being afraid of the word which doesn’t really mean anything specific, but only as a manipulative tactic to punish women who don’t act complacently, I think I’ll move forward in existing, and existing fully – only accepting mutual respect for my existence as I extend to others. If existing according to my own will and being my own person makes me a bitch, then I’m guilty as charged and I will not apologize for it.