Advice, Feminism, Misogyny, Uncategorized

Unapologetic Bitch

I have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember.  Maybe it stems from being a middle child or being adopted or just being a female in general succumbing to the societal pressures of being accommodating and pleasant.

“What a bitch.”

I remember the first time I was called a bitch.  It was the seventh grade and i didn’t let a boy named Casey borrow my gel pens for a project and you know what happened?  I gave him my gel pens.  How fucked up is that?  Girls learn young to be complacent and do what boys want out of fear for being called a bitch. Boys learn young that if a girl doesn’t do what he wants then she is a bitch.

The word “bitch” too is very general.  I started asking people, who call me a bitch, to be more definitive.  Do you mean that I am being unpleasant? Uncooperative? Selfish?  Because calling me a name to try and insult me so that I behave in a way you find more acceptable would be kind of a bitchy thing to do, don’t you think?  I started doing this myself with the word “weird’ as well.  I was talking with this one guy who – in private- was very flirtatious and affectionate.  I saw him in public the next day and I waved hello and he snubbed me.  I confronted him about it and started to say how I thought it was weird that he acted different in public than he did in private.  I stopped myself and started over.  I didn’t find it weird. I found it very off putting and rude of him.   I don’t mind if someone is weird, I do mind if someone is rude to me.  It turns out he was hurt over something I had said over the phone and instead of effectively communicating that he decided to give me the cold shoulder.  We discussed it and moved on.

I guess my point is that if being a bitch means that you are a female asserting yourself, or standing your ground – there are much worst things than being a bitch.  Instead of being afraid of the word which doesn’t really mean anything specific, but only as a manipulative tactic to punish women who don’t act complacently,  I think I’ll move forward in existing, and existing fully – only accepting mutual respect for my existence as I extend to others.  If existing according to my own will and being my own person makes me a bitch, then I’m guilty as charged and I will not apologize for it.

 

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